Why Do Unloved Daughters Choose Wrong Men
Unfortunately, a lot of women wonder why they constantly fall for the “wrong” man and no matter how hard they try, they always seem to end up with a person who is opposite to what they have been looking for in a partner. This being said, it is of utmost importance to unravel the major reasons for this ongoing issue and increase the odds of finding a deserving, respectful, and honest long-term partner with whom you can build a future together.
The “Curse” of Unloved Daugthers
According to Peg Streep from Psychology Today, numerous women that had given up on searching for happiness with a partner noted that they often saw patterns in the men they felt attracted by, i.e. these are men with traits like emotional unavailability, the need to control, and combativeness; and, somehow, they were less drawn by the “nice” type of guys. The question which arises is why women tend to hold on such men whereas low-key and kind partners are found boring and dull, Streep further explains.
Could this be a consequence of how they were treated by their parents during childhood? Without doubt, our childhood is known to unconsciously shape our behaviors later on in life and romantic relationships are not excluded.
What Childhood Teaches Us
As seen on Psychology Today, throughout infancy and childhood, we learn about love and relationships from our mother and father. Research indicates that these lessons became the unconscious models of how relationships function and they become a part of us.
Hence, an alert and reliable mother teaches her daughter that the world is a safe place and it is full of people who care about her and thus, enhances her inner ability to recognize what is good for her and what not whereas a mother who is not attentive and makes little or no efforts to calm her down teaches her that the world is not a place of trust and that there is no one she can trust. Consequently, this daughter will unconsciously distance herself from a potential source of comfort and bury her feelings in order to protect herself. Despite looking for a deeper connection, the fear of rejection or abandonment averts her from achieving this, as emphasized on Psychology Today.
Why Unloved Daughters Choose Wrong Men
- She is attracted by the familiar
In addition to being unconsciously drawn to the familiar, as Streep concludes, it is very common for humans to move towards relationships and people that are similar to their early experiences. There is also research suggesting that there is a higher chance of making connections with individuals who remind us of our parents, which is not so advantageous for women who grow up without loving support from their parents because they will search for a comfort zone that will not help them get any comfort.
- She is unable to distinguish passion from drama
Unloved daughters, due to their childhood, have learned that love needs to be sought and fought for and that it is never something that is readily available. Hence, this can easily trick women into mistaking the psychological arousal of anger or fear (which can have negative consequences) for passion. It is important to note that excitement is not the same with genuine love.
During childhood, these women think that they are the only ones who are not loved by their mothers and due to the fact that they were not given validation from their family, they search for other people who can help them feel better about themselves. They cannot accept being alone because they understand this as a proof of what they were told by their mothers- that they are unworthy of love. Her relationships will be a reflection of these false claims about herself, as Streep adds.
- She does not know how love feels
Growing up thinking that love is something that comes at a cost can make women think that relationships that should be “earned” will offer the needed love and support. A vulnerable childhood increases how likely you are to accept mistreatment from a partner. To prevent this from happening, Streep explains that one needs to redefine the meaning of love.
These women often have the tendency to self-criticize a lot and mostly ascribe failure to their own flaws. Therefore, she will blame herself more for the struggles in a relationship, even when it is the other side’s mistake. Although it is beneficial to be aware of our wrongdoings, it is never good to take the blame all the time.
- She does not believe in her feelings and thoughts
According to Psychology Today, very often, narcissistic and controlling mothers are “masters” in transferring guilt onto their children. Hence, constant manipulation or being blamed for your “excessive sensitivity” can make you question the truth of your thoughts and feelings and you end up allowing your partner to decide what is real and what is not for the both of you.
Final Thoughts on Why Unloved Daughters Choose Wrong Men
Even though the above-mentioned conclusions are generalized statements collected from research and interviews that Streep made with women, they definitely offer a glimpse into the major problematic behaviors in romantic relationships of unloved daughters. These patterns can be improved so that you can finally start making better decisions in your pursuit of a quality partner who will bring genuine happiness into your life. To this extent, professional therapy can be of great aid, but you can always make efforts to help better yourself by becoming more aware of your knowledge gained from childhood and how it affects your personality.